Message to an old friend:

Although we don't speak or call or write, I miss you. I miss you something awful. I wish we were in the same place at the same time. I would kiss you and hug you and never let you leave me behind...again. I miss confiding in you, our easy long talks, our teasing and laughing, the intense discussions, and even our arguments. I want to talk to you again even just to argue, because I miss you. I don't know why you often drift away but without you my life is like a puzzle missing pieces. Every so often I convince myself that I don't need you. That if our friendship was that great then we wouldn't be estranged for so long. Even if that's true my heart can't be tough on you, she always softens and remembers the anger is only because I miss you. So where ever you are and what ever you are doing, know that I love you and wish you well and ask that Allah protect you. 

Ma'Salaama

Lord of the rings poem

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

 

- John Ronald Reuel Tolkien

Mamihlapinatapai

is also a real word. It is as hard to say as it is to define. Vaguely, it means "a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other will offer something that they both desire but are unwilling to suggest or offer themselves." yup, lol.

Weekly Jumuah Special: How Remembering Death Can Make You More Productive

Read this article, its beneficial inshaAllah.

Weekly Jumuah Special: How Remembering Death Can Make You More Productive

Learning to trust and identify the trust worthy

وَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَكِيلًا     ٣٣:٣

"And put thy trust in Allah, and enough is Allah as a disposer of affairs." Quran [33:3]

What is it that I do not want people to know about me?

I don't want them to know...

• That I am insecure about my looks.
• That I believe that I have a difficult and boring personality.
• That I have failed at all of my attempts in my professional goals and I feel like a loser.
• That I pretend to have everything figured out but I have no idea what I am doing.
• That it doesn't take much for me to compromise my standards because deep down I believe I don't deserve them. 
• That I am resentful that I don't have the benefits of white privilege in my personal and professional life.  
• That I am guilty of all the seven deadly sins except for envy.
• That I don't/can't trust anyone and before that, my father was the only person I've ever trusted.
• That for the most part I strategically say and do things so that people can't hold my words against me later. In the few instances I do speak freely I berate myself and feel paranoid about it later. 
• That I care a lot about what people think of me.
• That I think I am a hypocrite. 
• That I don't live with integrity.  
• That I have disrespected myself and I am deeply ashamed of this.
• That I've been depressed for the last 3-4 years but most of that time I didn't realize it. 
• That I think I have a black heart and a dark soul. 
• That the only light I ever saw came from when I accepted Islam. 
• That I am too caught up in dunya and I struggle a lot with this. 
• That I make bad decisions.
• That I am afraid of remaining unmarried and possibly never having children.
• That I believe that some people are just lonely wandering nomads and I am one of them. I've never had the same group of friends for more than two year. I've never really had a best friend. 
• That I don't think I am intelligent.
• That I realized I don't like myself the way I am today and even if I ran away most of my problems would follow because they are my fault.
• That I used to think people underestimated me but now I'm starting to believe that I was arrogant. 
• That I am secretive but I don't want to be anymore because it's stressful with little benefit to me. 

...So that list is longer than I expected. The more I wrote the more I remembered. It feels really cathartic to get it out of my head and written down where I can look at it almost objectively. I can fix all of this, one good decision at a time inshaAllah.  

Deer Jerky

So I was walking home tonight and got into a serious altercation with two very aggressive deer; one of them was huge and had large antlers. I tried to stand my ground but then decided I didn't want to lose teeth over this. I had to walk BLOCKS to get pass these bullies just so I could go home. As soon as I saw them I ran like a little girl. What did I take away from this night...I am now pro-hunting.

Our sister Amal's poem

...cute sweater.

My Mother

...Will always see me as a child. The child she made, carried, birthed, suckled, changed, and soothed. 

She was the best of mothers until I reached an age where mothering included disciplining. It was a long time before I understood that this is because of how she was disciplined and because she had no mother. 

Although at times I am hit with waves of compassion, most of my time is spent in bitter resentment; Revisiting the album of unpleasant memories and how they have shaped the adult woman I've become. Once or twice I've read articles on the ways my up bringing has rewired my brain and affected my character. I soak up excuses for all my vices and I pass her the blame. My heart is twisted and I find myself slowly becoming worse than what twisted me. I've taken on the story as my identity and write the rest of the plot accordingly.

But now I am asking myself, who I would have become if I had not experienced the negative aspects of my upbringing. I probably would have been balanced in most aspects of my life. I would be happy without the negative context written around my every day. So why don't I drop the old sob story and rewrite the context. Things are pretty good for me right now. And for things that are not going so well, they are all my fault, not hers anymore.

So this is my apology to my mother, for blaming her for everything I couldn't do. And even though she would never say it, I know she is sorry for not being the mother I needed her to be. I know this because that is the essence of all mothers. 

Obfuscate,

is a real word. It looks like a typo, so its fitting it means something unintelligible. 

I really think like this, this is why I can't ask people for favours

I want what I want how I want it.
Other wise its not what I want,
Its how you want it.
So if you give what I want how you want it,
Then tell me to want what you want how you want it.
I don't want what I want anymore,
I'll only think if how you want what I don't want.
And how you want not to want what I want
Or not to want to give me what I want
... In the way that I want it.
And if finally you give me what I want how I want it.
I will only see that you didn't want it.
And that you made what I want no longer wanted.
And I would have lost the joy of being granted what is wanted,
how I want it.
So just give me what I want how I want it
or don't give it at all.

Our Brother Phil's Poem

Towards the Land of Tauba

I want to live in the city of the Prophet

Upon which blessings and mercy Allah sent

I want to visit the Harram Al Sharif

Under which I will lay down my burdens and grief

I want to travel to Bait al Maqdis

In which I will pray for my brothers’ forgiveness

And if I go it will be with my heart in tow
In search of fertile land for seeds of repentance to grow
And if I go, inshaAllah, I wont return
To the land of sin; departing with hope and in spurn
And if I go may Allah accept
As for what is deficient, forgive, and for the rest intercept

Shock Therapy

It is inertia interacting with the force of drag.
It tampers with infrastructure causing a lag.
Its causes are unknown but results are always sad.
Many a whimper, whines, and sobs to be had.
The cure is abundant yet right out of grasp.
As the nature of affliction is the inability to clasp.
Perhaps a shock will send a shiver down a neurological river.
Sparking the limbs to shoot out, reaching for the giver.
Building paths and covering others.
To clear and colour in the grey matters.

Today...

I was not feeling well and my sister took care of me. I am grateful Allah swt gave me my sister. I love her and may Allah love her, ameen!

The Hype

I don't know if I could play that game or continue this dance. The one where I skirt around the big issues because I can't face the truth of what they tell me. This says so much about me. I've been circling around like a marble in a funnel and there is only one place to go. And I have to go there. So lets go there. Lets face that demon head on and accept the consequences. Anticipating the worst may be worse than the eventual fall out. It may be ugly but it will end.

My struggle to be free

They say its really not that hectic in the end
Just believe that when the morning comes you will be whole again
I must repeat myself, its not to late to start again
There must be fifty ways to keep from under

"The problem is all inside your head", they said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to keep from under

-DJ Quick mix

Drops of Jupiter

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself?

And did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
Fall for a shooting star?
And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there

-Train 

Seasons

Four Seasons

How to make new friends

So I lost a ton of friends a couple of years ago.  Its much too late to reconnect, and we've all grown up since then. Now I need new ones, but I think I lost the skills to make new friends. sigh...what to do?

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view. 

- Edgar Allan Poe

Red Eye

...I can't sleep.
Should I count some sheep?
Maybe get something to eat?
I think I'd rather creep.
Tippy-toes on creaking floors.
Knocking things while on fours.
What's that noise?
The darkness has me paranoid.
Reminding  me that I'm alone
No one I could even phone.
...I don't like the track my thoughts are on.
Turning the night into a Pablo Neruda poem.
 'Tonight I can write the saddest lines.'
I'll star gaze while I linger on its lines.
This night is for sleepless dreaming.
And for the heart's romantic scheming.
Its for confessing and for praying.
...I don't even know what I'm saying.
It's best that I don't think too deep
My eyes are too prone to weep.
Damn it.
I can't sleep.

Dancing in the Dark

I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning, I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message just keep getting clearer, radio's on and I'm moving round the place
I check my look in the mirror wanna change my clothes my hair my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere I'm just livin in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere baby I just know that is

You sit around getting older there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders come on baby the laughs on me
Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you got to stay hungry hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write
This book
I need a love reaction come on baby give me just one look


You can't start a fire, sittin' 'round cryin' over a broken heart
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire, worryin' about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark


-Bruce Springsteen

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

-John Mayor 

Lioness

Sour Grapes

These vines bear sour grapes and honeyed lies.
They creep up walls and all the windows they line.
Its emerald green leafy sheen is embedded with ruby pearls
Around my heart, this demented garden wraps and it furls.
Beckoning with beautiful promises and false allure.
Of what it offers no good can I procure.

This is one of those times

Some times I just need you.
Those times when it gets heavy,
breaking all dams, valves, and levees.
Are like the times when it get too tough,
and all my strength is just not enough.
Still it's all made worse by your silent absence,
informing me of your state of ambivalence.
Most times I don't need you to be sincere,
I only crave the small relief of you here.
So be kind and draw near,
and for my heart act as a weir.

Fall

maple leaf

bowness park

Resistance

Passive aggressive: of or denoting a type of behaviour or personality characterised by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.

indirect resistance...avoidance of direct confrontation...to the demands of others. I could just say no and tell them because I said so if I weren't so afraid that it would make matters worse. These people have the ability to hurt me through my feelings for them, or their physical and financial strengths. They have what I want and, whether they admit it or not, they use it to control me. And I have a lot of controlling people in my life. And they are all shades of crazy emotional abuse. I am only now beginning to recognise this. I don't know how I attract these people and why I accept this behaviour. Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment, or perhaps I am insecure, or perhaps naive...I don't know. It doesn't really matter, as long as I stop it now.

What love is like

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
As any she belied with false compare.

-Shakespeare's Sonnet 130

Mama

“Love her as in childhood through feeble, old and grey. For you’ll never miss a mother’s love till she’s buried beneath the clay.” ― Frank McCourt, Angela's Ashes

Fire And Ice

Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

Surah al Baqarah has so much in it.

Maybe its just a phase

I am unsatisfied with life. I find I can't care about anything anymore. Not even my own life. It all might as well be dirty laundry to me. The skies could fall, the earth can burn, all these buildings could drown in the sea, and I wouldn't faze me. I don't feel like pretending anymore. I want to dump it all and find something new. I want a new country/city/job/house/friends/me. I would even change my name if I could...yeah let me change that too. The world is so very large outside my birdcage, let it find me. Maybe from among its goods I will gain and from its harms I will learn. It doesn't really matter where or what because nothing even matters anymore. Maybe I'll find something that matters because nothing even matters at all.

I think about just taking off with out telling anyone. A clean cut. If I feel like it and if they are still here, I might come back. Or I could be responsible and make an excuse like a new job. Perhaps its better not to burn bridges. But that really doesn't matter to me and maybe it doesn't matter to anyone else either. I think that suits me just fine. I've lived as a ghost. Now let me be real. 

Your nothing but Gold Purified...

You think it will never end
You think nobody will ever feel this way
The sorrow eats at you so much that hunger is a distant memory

Different reasons but the heartache is always the same
Be it love, be it loss, be it regret be it grief

The tears fall but you don’t let anyone see
The pain is real but nobody knows.


Yours was the world and now it’s gone

Yours was a destiny written in the stars but now its come crashing in.

Yours was happiness but now it’s for someone else



This story has been told a million times before
Just the characters that differ
Today you are the victim


Yours is a Lord All Knowing All Wise
Yours is a Lord who never sleeps
Yours is a Lord closer to you then yourself
Then why is it you hide yourself away?


Know that you may like a thing that is harmful to you
Know that you may dislike a thing that is better for you
You know not, but Allah He knows best



Ask the mother of Musa how it felt sailing her baby down the sea
Trust in Allah the only thing keeping her life afloat

Ask Umm Salim about the pain of death
The sweetness of patience
And the reward she obtained
What mother looks to bury her child?
But in its place she was given a prince among men
A Martyr of the highest order


Ask Umm Salamah when she asked who she could be given better then Abu Salamah what was the reply?
Better then Umar!
Better then Abu Bakr!
She lost greatest yet obtained the essence of perfection!

Ask our mother Khadijah the reward for patience
Was it anything short of a palace in Paradise?

Ask our mother Aisha who aided her from the accusing tongue and gave mention of her in the Book of Books.
Her chastity forever protected and her status cemented in our hearts.

Know that our Beloved lost his uncle
The shield of Allah’s Deen
But a woman sought him out.
Lost her father, her husband and her brother
But she did not care
‘As long as our Messenger is safe I will carry any burden’ she said
A crutch for each other they were
Need I say more?

Tell me the story of Khidr.
Tell me how a family wept for their loss not knowing the calamity that would have awaited them
Faces of relief they will wear when they find the truth.

Know that Allah He loved you from the moment you came to being
Far more then any man can love you
Far more then any man can care for you
Your Lord was there morning, noon and night
Watching over you

Heartache is a pain and forgetting is the cure
Live not a life of regret
Rather live the life worthy of a Muslim
Thank Allah for a diamond is only formed by pressing
Thank Allah for gold is only purified in heat
Thank Allah for oil is only found when digging deep.

You will never lose what is halal and pure except that it’s bettered
You will never lose that what is haram and filthy except that you know a castle can never be build on sand.

What is for you now the world’s end tomorrow will be your silver lining

Without poverty there is no zakat
Without calamities no reducing of sins
Without the downs we recognize not the ups



My promise to you is simple

You will smile again
The love will return

And Allah will always be there…

By: Scented Blood From Islamic Awakening Forum

So...I really like nature.

Some where in Ireland

Forest in France

Deer in a forest in France

Germany Black Forest

With Hindsight

I remember my friend, from way back when. He had a glint in his eye and scars on his heart. He wanted to love me but I wouldn't let him. Now I think back on this discarded tenderness with remorse. Had I let him love me first, my circumstances may have been different today.

What is your best?

Abadan

I am a bird,
I promise you.
And when I get my wings,
I'll show you.
And when I muster up the courage,
I'll wrap them around you.
And if I am strong enough to hold,
I'll never let you go. 

Read Me Like a Book

They are careless with my tattered pages
Which spots tell stories, only read by sages
With wisdom that appears to fools like mazes
Only to the patient does it give its wages
Though none have measured through the ages
It does not adjust its gauges
For the duplicitous seeker are laid traps and cages
For the honest, eternal gardens in stages

Moon Landing

Ramblings of a Mad Woman

Among the excess material things that clog my veins are dejected dreams. They slosh and pool but never pass like stool. All over the body you can find deposits of these cancerous sores bumping against healthy cells. I'd like to cut them out, or live around them. Right now I am living with them and in them and adding to them. Soon all that will be left is a bag of cancerous meat, yes, and I will look and say that is me. Me this once beautiful girl coming up in the world until one day she tasted defeat, and you should have seen how it brought her to her knees. And all that could be said is she fell beautifully. She burns beautifully, so they continued to burn me. But ash is just ash, its just ugliness they kick off their feet. Today that is where you find me.

Falling in love

Falling is feeling too much freedom
Awaiting an unknown, unplanned future
Falling is waiting to land
This is me, waiting for solid land
To no longer toil against stormy weather
This land of mine is like a soft embrace
Gentle support and unwavering loyalty
Her wells and rivers never run dry
I have no fear of drought
Or starving for affection
My land showers me with kisses
When I reach it, I'll shall never depart
This is the land of eternity

Love Sickness

I toss out the bottle of pills as I cursed my doctor. None of them can help me and I am sick. I am sick of being embroiled in an unceasing war. The war within my levels of self and the unbending world around me. If they would but only give me a degree, some of this sickness would be relieved. When they see me weak they double down mercilessly. So I pretend I am strong just to carry on. But I feel it, in a step or two, I am through.

I can live off this...

 

Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah?" Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near! (Surah 2 : Ayah 214)

Painted Prince

You know, I still look for you in the crowd.
Or up in the sky, expecting you surfing on a cloud.
Imagining you come is my sport and fun.
Scenarios that play on constant re-run.
You are always the hero in each one.
But they are all lies, from my heart, spun.
Lies to fill an unfeeling emptiness
Rent from promises, disingenuous

I Dream of Change

I dreamt of a tiger and a lion
A despot and a tyrant
I dream of a refuge for a migrant
A shelter for a vagrant
I dream of mercy for a miscreant
A clemency from punishment 
I dream of conditions changed
An acceptance of the preordained

Peace and Blessings be Upon Him

Acceptance

Isn't it time I submit?
Forcing it wont make it fit.

I always go into the forest

Eid Mubarak

Is it Eid?

Well is it? Anyone in the eastern hemisphere know anything?

So Forgive Me

اللهم إنك عفو تحب العفو فاعف عني 

 

Allaahumma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibb al-‘afwa fa’affu ‘anni

(O Allaah, You are forgiving and You love forgiveness, so forgive me).” (Tirmidhi)

Choose Your Path

There are some decisions in life that determine the ends. It is that fork in the road that may only be a slight shift of one degree but in time the destination reveals much about that apparent slight approximation. Slight indeed. Its the little things like waiting or acting, leaving or staying, clinging or letting go.

I want to be forgiven

"Whoever says, 'Subhan Allah wa bihamdihi,' one hundred times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea." (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Paying Homage To Thee Most Amazingly Refreshing Drink of All Time (besides water)

Strawberry Lemonade

O Strawberry Lemonade, how I covet thee!

Save Maryam

Allah loves the patient

How many of the prophets fought (in Allah's way), and with them (fought) Large bands of godly men? but they never lost heart if they met with disaster in Allah's way, nor did they weaken (in will) nor give in. And Allah Loves those who are firm and steadfast.

Allah Heals

“O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Lord (i.e. the Quran), and a healing for that (disease) which is in your hearts.” (Quran 10:57)

“And We send down the Quran which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe...” (Quran 17:82)

“Say ‘It is, for those who believe, a guide and a healing.’” ( Quran 41:44)

May Allah accept from us

"Oh you who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that you many learn piety and righteousness" (Qur'an, al-Baqarah, 2:183)

Reprisal

I've had just about all I can take,
I can feel the strings of civility popping one by freaking one.
I can see some of your eyes widen and brows raise
Be scared, because I am coming for you worse than when you came for me.

20/9/10

I remember feeling like this...

Never have I felt so isolated
So badly in need of a pair of strong arms to embrace me
A tender voice to comfort me
A hand extended upon my heart to decipher it's mores code
A friend unlike any I've had before

26/12/10

Misplaced Affection

I almost missed him kneeling there
His eyes pleading, hands claps about his heart
He thinks I'm beautiful and it makes me laugh
Silent but his stance says everything for him
Its unmistakable and it makes me laugh
Does he know I can't let anyone get close
Or reciprocate any love or affection
I'm insecure and essentially selfish
On his knee he not only offers, he asks
And I cannot give and am prone to flight
So I run, and find him give chase
Its frightening and it makes me laugh

Travel Companions

I've followed my heart and she's proven to be an unreliable compass
...often leading me in circles.
Her vague undefined  goals and poor sense of direction leave us both frustrated and lost.
She refuses to heed or cede and I cannot simply leave...
So I've taken her captive, bound and gagged until I have a safe enclosure for her to play. 
Safe from predators and poachers she'll stay, away from the traps and tricks of their trade.
Like a bird in a gilded cage she yearns for the freedom to go astray.
Never again will she lead my way.

Something old, Something new

Give me something new
Crispy clean shimmery sheen
Fresh on the scene
Something to make my face light
like a full moon on a dark night
Make me laugh heartily
for all the joys earthly

Finalities

It felt like goodbye this time, like our paths will no longer combine
No accident or coincident will play as a reuniting incident
Or mutual relations to convey greetings and salutations
Not even connections to relay second hand observations
It felt like goodbye this time, like our destinies no longer align

Naseeb

Feet lined up with the edge of the side walk
Ready to pounce
Eyes dart back and forth from the clock
Anxious to leave, how much longer is the wait?
To early and you've missed your chance
To late and you've missed all chance
Afraid to make a mistake, how much longer will it take?
When gambling decisions will make or break.
Strategy is key, but chance will have to partake
Stay, Go, Yes, No
God wont you please let me know
Pray the best hand you will show

Severed Ties

And I say goodbye
Not just for a little while
But for all the minutes and all the hours that feed the space between
Space that numbs and severs relations, leaving behind only awkward strangers
Stranger yet to contemplate on the matter
It's of no matter now...
Now that plans have been changed, promises broken and made
Now it's of no matter to sit and think of the times...
All the times that we...could have...should have...
What might have...What we did have...

By Allah!

These are fighting words,

From the heart strung together like a garland of flowers

Placed around my neck like an oath

An oath like a noose

A noose tightly hung

Therein lies the problem

Without exaggeration
I loved you more than anything

And you will never understand

Until you think of everything

The Lubb of Hubb

The most painful sort of oppression is to submit to desires and doubts.

To let intrusive thoughts and feelings lead you this way and that.

You end up like a weed, tumbling aimlessly in the dirt.

Unable to garner the respect or notice of man and beast alike.

by s* water colors

Athan

Ibn 'Abbas narrated:

"al-Walid bin al-Mughirah (a polytheist) came to the Messenger of Allah. The Messenger of Allah recited the Qur'an to him, and al-Walid seemed to become affected and softened by it. Abu Jahl came to know of this, so, he came to al-Walid and said: "Don't you see that your people are collecting charity for you?"

He said: "And why is that?"

Abu Jahl replied: "So that they can give it to you, as they see that you went to Muhammad to get some of his food."

al-Walid said: "Quraysh knows that I am of the wealthiest of its sons."

Abu Jahl said: "So, say to Muhammad something that would convince your people that you oppose him."

al-Walid replied: "And what can I possibly say? There is not a single man who is more knowledgable of poetry or prose than I, or even that of the Jinn, and by Allah, what he says bears no resemblance to these things. By Allah, what he says has a sweetness to it, and a charm upon it; the highest part of it is fruitful and the lowest part of it is gushing forth with bounty; it dominates and cannot be dominated, and it crushes all that is under it.""

[Reported by al-Hakim in 'al-Mustadrak' (2/506-507) and at-Tabari in 'Jami' al-Bayan' (29/156), and it is authentic]

Mutilated

The Best Way

There are two ways it can go...
and I hope for the best way.
The way that brings honour and nobility...
to a simple slave.
And chases sadness and fear...
from the encompassing grave .

I would like to have a picnic under this tree.

Japanese Maple

Knowledge

“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”

-Theodore H. White

Flake

I’ve fallen short of converting the sceptic,

Because his questions mask an inner world that’s hectic.

Truth in my confession, he looks on with contention.

My assertions are examined under suspicion.

He pledges his devotion if I provide certainty, 

As if from his place, he could find security.

That’s why I find him knocking on my door,

His eyes pleading for me to show him more.

But I can no longer beckon, beg, and implore

While his ship incessantly docks then depart from this shore.

He appears progressive when he finds no other bays to explore.

Only to go into regression when routine is a bore.

I’ve expended my time and efforts in an act of futility.  

Sacrificed sincerely only to be treated with hostility 

Raha in Allah's Rahma

Curse Words

It starts right here at the base of my sternum.
When it reaches my heart it burns and it busts.
Shooting out like a flare because it must.
Searing words singeing as they thrust
My mouth branded by the touch.
I've gone and said too much.
I try to cover out of shame and disgust.
Though I am pleased to satisfy the initial blood lust.

A Gem

The straight path

Ihdina s-sirata l-mustaqim

Here is where I spent my day

Earthly Paradise

Resentment

I resent you… and me

                            …And her and him

                                                             … And especially them!

For being here

                           … And doing this

                                                            ...Instead of there and that.

For feeling this

                            …And saying that

                                                            … Rather than that and this.

For every thing!

                             …For some things

                                                             … But mostly I feel nothing.

Once Friends, Now Strangers

Last time I felt like myself, I was with you on the south side.
Skipping rocks and picking conversation that would let us hide.
Exchanging ideas, trading stories, stealing glances, giving time
You would call me your sunshine but your smile was mine
You would sit with me for hours and never pay attention
It was enough for you that we were without pretension 

Last time I was myself, I was with you on the south side.
Before the worlds collided...and everything that implied 
We struggled with who would give in to survive
Rather than give up my heart, I opted for goodbye
Unintentionally leaving myself behind to adopt a foreign state of mind 
Leaving behind a friendship unconfined by a love undefined

Last time I knew myself, I was with you on the south side.
When your talks were enough for me to hide.
Giving, exchanging, trading, stealing from each other.
Under a cover, forsaking all except one another.
Now we tempt each other to find what we left behind.
But too many life times have passed to find.

Only because I don't know how to fly...

I fight.

I fail at life

Just one of those days....

One of them

Qaloo rabbana amattana ithnatayni waahyaytana ithnatayni faiAAtarafna bithunoobina fahal ila khuroojin min sabeelin

 They will say, `Our Lord! twice You have caused us to die (as the state without life before birth is a sort of death and the end of this life is the second) and twice You have given us life. We confess our sins (now). Is then, there, a way out (of the torment)?' (40:11)

Best description of winter...

"Winter in the country: a world of silence, wood smoke, whiteness. " Paul Auster

May Allah protect her from the plots of shaytan

The strangest things always happened to her. She always had fantastically absurd stories and excuses. I would listen to them with a mix of skepticism and amusement. At first I would think, so what if she told exaggerated stories, as long as they didn't hurt and were entertaining. Later I would come to realized that she never told a lie; Her world was just very different from mine. Her life was hilariously awkward. And I loved her.

We would often play in the field between our houses, run around the neighborhood making mischief. Her mom would lecture me not to wear shorts, and my mom always tried to feed her to death. She convinced me to wear hijab in second grade, it was our cool dress code. She is in almost every memory I have of childhood and adolescences.

Then her broken home broke her heart, she was gone and so were the days not marred by adult problems. I would hear about her through the gossip channels, that she moved away, fell for the wrong boy, kids, that her family put her through hell. Everybody failed her, family, friends, community, everyone. And now shes gone. 

There is nothing I can do about it really...

I suffer from a common form of congenital heart disease and malformation of the brain. In laymen terms, I am a woman.

Love Bird

If I could I'd bewitch your heart
I'd perch her above me in the trees
Her songs putting me at ease
Singing she belongs to me
Giving herself to me freely
Steal away from you
Day and night fawning over me
In ways your pride would never concede
Just tell me once that she belongs to me

I preferred to stay

It was spring and it rained for weeks at a time. Icy water droplets falling from the sky, just degrees from freezing. I remember mornings sitting underneath my open window to feel the cool sweet smelling air pour down over me. I drifted away with the humming numbing sound of rain. In those moments I forgot every pain, joy, or dream I had in the world. I would abandon everything as I sat with my face and palms open to the sky.  Dream like, I would imagine my soul fly high, escorted by winged beauties. And they would take me to the One who made me. And I would tell Him I love Him, and I would ask Him to save me. I would complain that I didn't trust my choices and that I preferred to stay. I knew I couldn't stay, back to earth I was sent away. Returning to face every pain, joy, or dream of the day.

When will we rest?

I prefer to be wrapped in earth
Swallowed, adding to its girth
Silent sleep until the day of rebirth
Until after the measurement of worth
Will I indulge in merriment and mirth

I need an extended vacation

Taking it easy

SubhanAllah! What is this?

How to Forget

I don't know how to forget.
its infused in my skin with my scent
Mixed with my blood through my heart love sent
Built pathways through my brain
Aisles send thoughts in a familiar train 
Rumbling voice shakes my foundation
Laughter which is my sadness's alleviation
Pull at my hair tear my flesh
Withstanding the torturous endurance test 
I. don't. know. HOW. to. forget.

Advantageous Opportunistic Parasitic Blood Sucking Bone Marrow Slurping Vampires

I am reclaiming my space!
My physical, intellectual, spiritual place
The boundaries and security measures have been breached
All my mental and physical resources leached
These bandits don't travel in gangs or flash their colours
They walk around calling themselves brother, mother, or lover
Greedy robber baron's concealed by feigned philanthropic missions
Efforts to protect their morally reprehensible positions
Now time has run out on your period of grace
Next transgression will result in one shot to the face
Conditions of reinstatement of my rights to dictate, forgiven are all past mistakes
And all space shall be recognised as common wealth of independent states

Morning Dua

Allahumma Anta Rabbi, la ilaha illa Anta, khalaqtani wa ana `abduka, wa ana `ala `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu, a`udhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, abu'u laka bini`matika `alayya, wa abu'u bidhanbi faghfir li, fa innahu la yaghfirudh-dhunuba illa Anta.

O Allah, You are my Lord, there is none worthy of worship but You. You created me and I am Your slave. I keep Your covenant, and my pledge to You so far as i am able. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done. I admit to Your blessings upon me, and I admit to my misdeeds. Forgive me, For there is none who may forgive sins but You.


The Prophet Muhammad said “If somebody recites it during the day with firm faith in it and dies on the same day before the evening, he will be from the people of Paradise and if somebody recites it at night with firm faith in it and dies before the morning he will be from the people of Paradise.”
[ sahih Al-Bukhari. Other reports are in An-Nasa'i and At-Tirmithi ]

Where is the Poetry of the Poets?

She is not just missing, she is missed

Saskatoon Police are requesting public assistance in locating a missing 23 year old woman.

Amal Koshin was reported missing to police on November 21, 2011, by family. She was last seen in Estevan by family members in April 2011, but due to mental illness (???, Perhaps it is due to their mental illness) it is not her practice to maintain consistent contact with family.

Amal Koshin is described as being African Canadian. She is 5'7" tall, approximately 110 lbs and is known to wear prescription glasses.

Anyone with information is asked to contact the Saskatoon Police Service at 975-8300 or Saskatoon Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477.

Albanian Nasheed

Never heard an Albanian nasheed before. I like this, MashaAllah.

Be a Humble Slave

I Used To Love Him

As I look at what Ive done
The type of life that Ive lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses and blurred my sight

I chose the road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love yeah, like the drug of
Drug of a fiend 

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When mamma said no then I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish mans wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets and deeper than any oceans
See, my soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man whose lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold, see I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with 

- Lauryn Hill