Only because I don't know how to fly...

I fight.

I fail at life

Just one of those days....

One of them

Qaloo rabbana amattana ithnatayni waahyaytana ithnatayni faiAAtarafna bithunoobina fahal ila khuroojin min sabeelin

 They will say, `Our Lord! twice You have caused us to die (as the state without life before birth is a sort of death and the end of this life is the second) and twice You have given us life. We confess our sins (now). Is then, there, a way out (of the torment)?' (40:11)

Best description of winter...

"Winter in the country: a world of silence, wood smoke, whiteness. " Paul Auster

May Allah protect her from the plots of shaytan

The strangest things always happened to her. She always had fantastically absurd stories and excuses. I would listen to them with a mix of skepticism and amusement. At first I would think, so what if she told exaggerated stories, as long as they didn't hurt and were entertaining. Later I would come to realized that she never told a lie; Her world was just very different from mine. Her life was hilariously awkward. And I loved her.

We would often play in the field between our houses, run around the neighborhood making mischief. Her mom would lecture me not to wear shorts, and my mom always tried to feed her to death. She convinced me to wear hijab in second grade, it was our cool dress code. She is in almost every memory I have of childhood and adolescences.

Then her broken home broke her heart, she was gone and so were the days not marred by adult problems. I would hear about her through the gossip channels, that she moved away, fell for the wrong boy, kids, that her family put her through hell. Everybody failed her, family, friends, community, everyone. And now shes gone. 

There is nothing I can do about it really...

I suffer from a common form of congenital heart disease and malformation of the brain. In laymen terms, I am a woman.

Love Bird

If I could I'd bewitch your heart
I'd perch her above me in the trees
Her songs putting me at ease
Singing she belongs to me
Giving herself to me freely
Steal away from you
Day and night fawning over me
In ways your pride would never concede
Just tell me once that she belongs to me

I preferred to stay

It was spring and it rained for weeks at a time. Icy water droplets falling from the sky, just degrees from freezing. I remember mornings sitting underneath my open window to feel the cool sweet smelling air pour down over me. I drifted away with the humming numbing sound of rain. In those moments I forgot every pain, joy, or dream I had in the world. I would abandon everything as I sat with my face and palms open to the sky.  Dream like, I would imagine my soul fly high, escorted by winged beauties. And they would take me to the One who made me. And I would tell Him I love Him, and I would ask Him to save me. I would complain that I didn't trust my choices and that I preferred to stay. I knew I couldn't stay, back to earth I was sent away. Returning to face every pain, joy, or dream of the day.