"Indeed We created man, and We know what his own self whispers to him."

-Al-Qur'an 50:16-

Monday, October 29, 2012

The Hype

I don't know if I could play that game or continue this dance. The one where I skirt around the big issues because I can't face the truth of what they tell me. This says so much about me. I've been circling around like a marble in a funnel and there is only one place to go. And I have to go there. So lets go there. Lets face that demon head on and accept the consequences. Anticipating the worst may be worse than the eventual fall out. It may be ugly but it will end.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

My struggle to be free

They say its really not that hectic in the end
Just believe that when the morning comes you will be whole again
I must repeat myself, its not to late to start again
There must be fifty ways to keep from under

"The problem is all inside your head", they said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to keep from under

-DJ Quick mix

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Drops of Jupiter

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself?

And did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
Fall for a shooting star?
And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there

-Train 

Seasons

Four Seasons

Monday, October 22, 2012

How to make new friends

So I lost a ton of friends a couple of years ago.  Its much too late to reconnect, and we've all grown up since then. Now I need new ones, but I think I lost the skills to make new friends. sigh...what to do?


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view. 


- Edgar Allan Poe

Red Eye

...I can't sleep.
Should I count some sheep?
Maybe get something to eat?
I think I'd rather creep.
Tippy-toes on creaking floors.
Knocking things while on fours.
What's that noise?
The darkness has me paranoid.
Reminding  me that I'm alone
No one I could even phone.
...I don't like the track my thoughts are on.
Turning the night into a Pablo Neruda poem.
 'Tonight I can write the saddest lines.'
I'll star gaze while I linger on its lines.
This night is for sleepless dreaming.
And for the heart's romantic scheming.
Its for confessing and for praying.
...I don't even know what I'm saying.
It's best that I don't think too deep
My eyes are too prone to weep.
Damn it.
I can't sleep.

Dancing in the Dark

I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning, I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message just keep getting clearer, radio's on and I'm moving round the place
I check my look in the mirror wanna change my clothes my hair my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere I'm just livin in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere baby I just know that is

You sit around getting older there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders come on baby the laughs on me
Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you got to stay hungry hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write
This book
I need a love reaction come on baby give me just one look


You can't start a fire, sittin' 'round cryin' over a broken heart
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire, worryin' about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark


-Bruce Springsteen

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

-John Mayor 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Lioness



Monday, October 15, 2012

Sour Grapes

These vines bear sour grapes and honeyed lies.
They creep up walls and all the windows they line.
Its emerald green leafy sheen is embedded with ruby pearls
Around my heart, this demented garden wraps and it furls.
Beckoning with beautiful promises and false allure.
Of what it offers no good can I procure.



This is one of those times

Some times I just need you.
Those times when it gets heavy,
breaking all dams, valves, and levees.
Are like the times when it get too tough,
and all my strength is just not enough.
Still it's all made worse by your silent absence,
informing me of your state of ambivalence.
Most times I don't need you to be sincere,
I only crave the small relief of you here.
So be kind and draw near,
and for my heart act as a weir.



Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Fall

maple leaf
bowness park

Resistance

Passive aggressive: of or denoting a type of behaviour or personality characterised by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.

indirect resistance...avoidance of direct confrontation...to the demands of others. I could just say no and tell them because I said so if I weren't so afraid that it would make matters worse. These people have the ability to hurt me through my feelings for them, or their physical and financial strengths. They have what I want and, whether they admit it or not, they use it to control me. And I have a lot of controlling people in my life. And they are all shades of crazy emotional abuse. I am only now beginning to recognise this. I don't know how I attract these people and why I accept this behaviour. Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment, or perhaps I am insecure, or perhaps naive...I don't know. It doesn't really matter, as long as I stop it now.

Monday, October 08, 2012

What love is like


My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
As any she belied with false compare.

-Shakespeare's Sonnet 130

Mama

“Love her as in childhood through feeble, old and grey. For you’ll never miss a mother’s love till she’s buried beneath the clay.” ― Frank McCourt, Angela's Ashes

Fire And Ice

Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

Friday, October 05, 2012

Surah al Baqarah has so much in it.